we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
