she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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