Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
