please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
