Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize