she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
