If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
