She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
