3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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