eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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