when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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