P.S. I can't hear my feet
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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