plz talk dirty to me
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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