My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
