I puked a lego.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
