I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I AM VODKA MAN
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
