Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
