i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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