I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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