Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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