i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
