I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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