we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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