just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
