I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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