i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
