Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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