get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
