my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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