roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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