At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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