Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize