Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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