I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
