after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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