This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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