you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
