Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
When did we convert life to cartoon?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
