just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
