I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
