i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
