I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
