I just saw a hot homeless man
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
