come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize