took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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