I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
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