never play flip cup with pint glasses
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
