I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
We're too hungover to prance.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
