So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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