He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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