I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
smell my finger.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
