dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
