why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize