turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
why do cheetos always look like penises
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
