so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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