His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
