Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize