there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
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