I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
