May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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