Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
