Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
