Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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