He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
