About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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