we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
