i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize