wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
