my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
