Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
