i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
