I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
