You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
