One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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