She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
