he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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