We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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