haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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