There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
