well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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