She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
