I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
