he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
