seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
