I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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