So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
