piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
