he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize