so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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