I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
