its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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