so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Randomize
