the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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